For some reason I miss you again tonight. I always miss you but tonight it’s painful. I don’t know why. My mood is always fine now except those rare moments like this when I can’t push you to the back of my head any longer. I keep telling myself that you aren’t in my life anymore. You’re gone forever. But I want you so badly. All the leftover remnants from my past are all that’s left to be addressed in therapy. I think secretly, the only reason I refuse to let my eating disorder fade is because it’s the only part of you that’s still inside of me.
I just wish you even thought of me now. I know you never weep for me. Because I was just a person; I tried to tell you how I felt about you, but words are not strong enough to portray it. Ashley is great, but I loved you. There, I said it: I love you. Not in a gay way…you were that person who filled every void in my life. I don’t know what that relationship would be called. But when you left, the wound was deep, and the scar still throbs.
I dream about you all the time. And I don’t tell Ashley that you are the strange “unknown” person in the dreams I tell her about. She is sick of hearing about you, and I know I look stupid talking about you like you still care…or that you will ever return.
In three days, it will be the 2 years anniversary of when we first met.
And I haven’t seen you in 10 months and 1 week. I can’t stop counting.
Even though you left me…you are still the most incredible person I have ever met. That says a lot about how much I still care for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment